Dear Ms. Caitlyn Jenner

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1976 Olympics, advice, Bill of Rights, Bob Kane, Bruce Jenner, Caitlyn Jenner, celebrity, Christian, coming out, confidence, conservative, Cornell, counsel, decathlon, Declaration of Independence, Democrats, Dennis Daugaard, Diane Sawyer, female, full-time, gold medal, headlines, HERO legislation, Houston, Hudson River, Human Rights, I Am Cait, Kardashians, Kate Bornstein, Log Cabin Republicans, Lower Hudson Valley, Montreal, MTF, naive, North Tarrytown, Olympics, overconfident, Pastor Ed Young, politics, prayer, Reality television, Renee Richards, Republican, Robert Kane, Rockland, silent, Sleepy Hollow, South Dakota, sports, suggestions, supportive, Tappan Zee Bridge, team manager, Ted Cruz, track and field, trans-hostile, Transgender, transgender community, transgender issues, transgender rights, Transition, Westchester, Wheaties

English: The Tappan Zee Bridge as seen in Tarrytown, NY (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve never met Caitlyn.  But we have a lot in common.  We both identify as female, transgender, Christian and politically conservative on a number of issues.  We both spent a significant portion of our respective childhoods within a few miles of the Tappan Zee Bridge (I was on the opposite shore from her).  And since I am only three years younger than Caitlyn, some of that time was concurrent (from November 1960 to the summer of 1963, according to my calculations, based on when my family moved there and Caitlyn’s family moving to Connecticut after her freshman year of high school).

We share a love of sports.  I lettered in four sports in high school.  However, it was a very small prep school and the only way my career in sports would continue was because I became the manager for the track & field and cross country teams at a Division One university (Cornell) with an excellent program for over a century in those sports.  While I had some evidence of athletic ability, it came in a body that was considerably more compact.

In fact, there was most likely only one degree of separation between us before she came out in public.  That is because as team manager, I met one of Jenner’s teammates on the 1972 Olympic track team and also had a nodding acquaintance with a former U.S. Olympian (Bob Kane) who would become the president of the U.S. Olympic Committee shortly after Jenner’s gold medal in 1976 Olympics.  And there are likely others in track & field circles that both of us know.

It seems that a lot of people are telling Caitlyn Jenner what she should and shouldn’t do.  I should think I have as much right to do so, if not more.  However, I have reached an age where I try not to tell anyone what to do; I only make suggestions.  And I admit that the suggestions I make to my tax clients are quite authoritative.

But I have no intention of sending a letter to her home to get intermingled with hundreds of other letters from fans and foes.  So I am posting it publicly.  If one of my blog readers or LinkedIn connections knows her personally and finds it worthy of passing along, so be it.

Dear Caitlyn,

After some downtime, you are finding your way back into the news again.  Criticism of you by people who are hostile to transgender people is to be expected.  But much criticism also comes from others within the transgender community.  Is it warranted?

Let’s start with something that was unquestionably positive for the transgender community: your contact of South Dakota Governor Dennis Daugaard regarding recent legislation that would have discriminated against trans youth.  Did your voice play a part in paving the way for the Governor, who admitted never having knowingly met a transgender person, to remedy that omission?  Did that in turn help lead to his eventual veto?  I’m sure it did.

What about your meeting with Pastor Ed Young, a prime mover in the defeat of the HERO bill in Houston last November?  You prayed with him and while that is always a blessing in general, hopefully the pastor could see the Holy Spirit in you as you prayed together and in your conversation as well.  But it also gave you the opportunity to share how hateful the pastor’s trans hostile videos have been.  Someone well battle-tested on the front lines of our struggle, Kate Bornstein, gave you kudos for that.

Yes, it is important to meet with others in the transgender community (and our allies) to continue to get educated on who we are as individuals and as a group.  But what progress do we make if we only meet with each other.  Only Nixon could go to China.  Only Kirk could negotiate a peace treaty with the Klingons.  I’ve made a positive impact with many (not all) Christians in my little corner of the globe.  But so far, there are only so many I can reach.

1976 Summer Olympics (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Caitlyn, please keep some things in mind.  First of all, there is only so much any one person can do.  I know that you were remarkably consistent in your decathlon scores, but you were able to train for those both physically and with technique.  Training to live as a woman in real life, undoing a lifetime of habits, is many times more difficult.  Plus the available coaching is far more rudimentary than anything you would have received in preparation for Montreal 1976.

Second, you are not alone in the work.  There are many others out here as well.  You don’t have to become exactly like them, but you also want to be careful about acting at cross purposes with them.

But most of all, Caitlyn, you don’t even have a year living full-time as you.  And with your lifestyle and opportunities, in some ways you have experienced less than most of us.  (Make note of Renee Richards’ hindsight about how unrealistic it was for her to spend her one year life experience by taking a cruise to Italy, living for a while in a real life Fellini movie and then tooling around western Europe in a sports car, before losing her nerve in Morocco on the steps of the hospital – twice.) Ten months ago, immediately after watching Diane Sawyer interview you, my biggest concern was that you still wouldn’t be you.  You know how to be a feted celebrity.  You’ve been there and done that forty years ago. But do you know how to be Caitlyn Jenner?  Make sure you treat yourself to the time you need to find out, away from the cameras, the banquets and even your entourage sometimes.

And this brings me to your remarks about Ted Cruz.  I am acknowledging up front that there are people who read the headlines and went nuclear without reading anything else that you said on the subject.  (Headline writers provoke more than inform.)  Indeed you acknowledge that Sen. Cruz has one of the worst records on trans issues when viewed by the transgender community.  What you don’t acknowledge is how unlikely it would be for Cruz or most Republicans today to be willing to even consider having a liaison with the transgender community.   When he met you prior to coming out, Cruz treated you as an Olympic gold medalist and sports hero.  As a little boy, he may have even idolized you on the front of the Wheaties box.  There is no reason to expect he will treat you so kindly now.

I truly understand the dilemma you face politically.  What do you do when the politicians and party whose values you tend to agree with on a broad range of issues: a) see people like us as moral deviants at best and part of the vanguard of end times wickedness at worst; b) refuse to believe our testimonies that this is who we are and have always known ourselves to be with respect to gender, and who continue to insist that we have made an immoral choice; c) don’t believe we have the right to enjoy the same rights and freedoms as the rest of society enjoys: protection from job discrimination; proper medical care consistent with the findings of the American Medical Association and American Psychiatric Association; the ability to make life choices consistent with our innate gender identity; the right to safety; d) actively campaign to take away our recently-won rights (not special rights, just the “unalienable” right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness)?

Some have quoted you (or perhaps assumed) that you believe that Republicans are better on transgender issues than Democrats are.  Later articles appear to have corrected that misquote, and you admit that Democrats are more favorable on trans issues.  So I am going to take it that the latter is true for you.  But I will share that when I first read the former, my impulse was that you needed to name names.  Just who are these supportive Republicans?

Then I remembered that the Log Cabin Republicans claim to advocate on behalf of transgender individuals, not just lesbians, gays and bisexuals.  So I went to their website.  I looked at their recent initiatives.  I looked through their press releases.  They congratulated you for coming out during the Diane Sawyer interview.  Since then, keeping in mind all the transgender oriented legislation and votes that have been in play since then in places like Houston and South Dakota, they have been totally silent on transgender issues.  It has been disappointing to say the least.

On the one hand, it is good to have a positive attitude and a belief that you can make a difference in Christian and politically conservative circles.  But while there is no crime in being naïve, it is not helpful to overestimate the speed with which you will be able to change hearts.  You have strengths: a warm, likable personality, a record of achievement that few people can match and access to channels that most of us will never come close to having.  But on the negative side, your association with Kardashian reality television and continuing with that format to some extent on your own show makes it easy for some people to dismiss you as a publicity hound.

Caitlyn, I know you have heard much of this before from many sources.  But you may not have heard it from a source who is similar to you in as many ways as I am: transgender, MTF, Christian, conservative, background in track and field (and athletics in general), and raised in the Lower Hudson Valley.  You and I understand how much work there needs to be done on transgender in the Christian and politically conservative communities.  At the same time, we are not willing to write them off as hopeless.

I have more that I could say to you, but I’d prefer to convey it privately, if indeed you should grace me with a personal contact.  Contact can be initiated through my blog or contact information on my LinkedIn page.

Caitlyn, I am in the habit of closing out my blog posts with scripture.  This verse is on a monthly prayer calendar for a Christian ministry I am associated with.  It is a perfect admonition from the Lord to leave you with.

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. – Psalm 37:5

God bless,

Lois

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Immediate reaction to the Diane Sawyer interview of Bruce Jenner

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1972 Olympics, 1976 Olympics, American Broadcasting Company, athlete, Bruce Jenner, childhood, closet, conservative, denial, Diane Sawyer, exploration, fatal traffic accident, Gender, gender conflict, Gender Identity, gender issues, gender transition, GLAAD, interrupted transition, Jennifer Boylan, Jon Anderson, Kardashian, liberal, libertarian, Olympic Decathlon, Olympic gold medal, public perception, publicity stunt, Reality television, Renee Richards, sexual preference, Sleepy Hollow, supportive family, television, Transgender, transition year, Transsexual

Bruce Jenner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am usually a very reflective person, especially when it comes to something for my blog.  So an immediate reaction is something relatively new for me.  I have just watched the Diane Sawyer interview of Bruce Jenner.  Here are my impressions.

First off, while Bruce continues to withhold the use of a new name and allowed and maybe even encouraged use of male pronouns, I am going to make a tricky straddle.  Bruce clearly indicated a female identity at the core.  So rather than use a last name and absent the knowledge of a first name, I will continue to use “Bruce” as this person’s name.  But I will also use female pronouns (contrary to GLAAD’s guidelines).  As I see it, the use of the pronouns was for the sake of the interview and Bruce’s supportive family members who naturally would have been using male pronouns during much of the taping process.

(In recognition of her status as a professional journalist, I will refer to the interviewer as Ms. Sawyer.)

I thought Bruce was sincere.  The threads to her story are very familiar to anyone who has heard the life story of a transsexual.  The details may vary but the basic theme is clear.  Every child who is in the process of becoming an adult begins to learn how to fit into the world around him or her.  What was different for Bruce and all transsexuals is that the world is telling you, even your body is telling you, that you fit into the world as one gender.  But your brain is telling you that you are the opposite gender.  Now how do you deal with that disconnect?

For Bruce, as it was for most transsexuals of our generation, it is a strange dance of exploration and denial.  (Bruce is a little more than three years older than me and while Bruce Jenner was growing up in Westchester County, NY, my family moved about four miles away as the crow flies on the other side of the Hudson River.)  What made Bruce’s journey different was raw athletic ability, physical strength and speed, and the determination to develop that combination of attributes to become a champion.  Similar to the story of Kristin Beck, the Navy Seal who transitioned a few years ago, gender identity conflict that had no outlet in the 1950’s and 1960’s of Bruce’s youth, added fuel to turbocharge that determination.  One produced a military hero, the other an Olympic gold medalist.

Early in the interview, Bruce mentioned the need to keep a sense of humor regarding the situation.  And Bruce does have a keen sense of humor.  But there were many poignant moments as well.  (I do question the placement of that tissue box next to Ms. Sawyer instead of next to Bruce.  Did they think that Ms. Sawyer was going to break down in the middle of the interview?  Of course not: they wanted to emphasize Bruce needing to reach out for a tissue.)

Cropped photo of Diane Sawyer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The interview was conducted mostly in Bruce’s home in Malibu, but parts were taped near Bruce’s childhood home in Sleepy Hollow (nee North Tarrytown, NY) and the campus of the high school she attended where her athletic career began to take shape and show promise.  Obviously it was edited in a way that reflects the lines between news and entertainment having been blurred long ago on the major networks.  And we had to listen once again to a series of questions so that Bruce could explain that gender and sexual preference are two different things.  Because Ms. Sawyer generally did a fine job in allowing Bruce to tell her own story, helping it along with insightful questions, I will give Ms. Sawyer the benefit of the doubt on the gender versus sexual preference theme of the questions.  I attribute the need to ask these questions to the realization that large portions of the general public still are unable to grasp this difference, not Ms. Sawyer’s lack of understanding on the topic.

Contrary to an online headline that I saw a little while I ago when I was checking the map for the relative distance between my childhood home and Bruce’s, there were no blockbuster revelations in this interview.  There has been so much build up prior to the actual program, it would be almost impossible for any program to live up to it.  About the only blockbuster announcement that Bruce could have made was that she was not transgender and that there was another explanation.  Fortunately, there was more than enough solid content during the program.  This was not a repeat of Geraldo’s Al Capone’s vault fiasco.

The most interesting bit of information I heard was the revelation that Bruce had started taking female hormones in the mid 1980’s.  But at some point, due to understandable fears, concerns about what this would do to her family (especially her children) and questions about what God thought about this matter, that earlier road to transition was cut short.  While interesting, it was not surprising.  Renee Richards had a similar backtracking experience during her life’s journey (albeit for different reasons).  This has also happened during the journeys of some transsexuals I know personally.  And I know how many times I took tentative small steps down the road of transition only to let fear turn me back.

The most heartwarming part of the program was to see the level of support that Bruce has gotten from her family.  Every one of the ten children who have come to know Bruce as “Dad” evidenced some level of support, as did her first two wives, her sister Pam and her mother.

I have to admit that I have no interest in the types of tabloid shows that have made a fortune for the Kardashian-Jenner clan.  I am well aware that a lot of the fame that has been enjoyed by them has been a combination of shrewd promotion, the fact that sex sells and that the Kardashian women are recognized by the public as sexy, attractive women.  But I will also freely admit that their stock rose considerably in my eyes when I saw them join with Bruce’s older children in unfeigned love and support for Bruce.

I was also pleased to see the notion dispelled that if someone is transgender, they must be liberal, and that trans allies must be liberal.  Bruce admits to being a conservative Republican.  Her mother is very conservative.  A brief clip of Jennifer Boylan was when she quoted her elderly conservative Republican mother responding to Jennifer’s coming out with a verse from 1^st Corinthians 13:13 – And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.  (I believe the NKJV verse or something similar was used.)

Yes, I have had conservative Christians reject me.  But I have also had a number of them accept me, to my surprise and delight.  I have been accepted by NRA members, libertarians, people who describe themselves as being to the right of Rush Limbaugh and so on.  Just as there is a certain segment of the population who does not easily fit into neat little boxes labeled “male” and “female”, it is not so simple to predict or categorize which people will prove to be trans allies and sympathetic to our coming out stories.

An interesting fact brought up by Ms. Sawyer is that over 90% of survey respondents say that they know someone who is homosexual, but only 8% say that they know a transgender person.  Bruce’s story underscores the fact that most of us are so good at hiding until we begin to emerge, that far more than 8% of the population in fact knows a transgender person.  They just don’t realize that they know one.

One of the most interesting dynamics in terms of Bruce relating to her family concerns the few times when Bruce was caught or when Bruce admitted at least some level of her gender exploration to a family member.  Rather than these events opening the floodgates of discussion between Bruce and family members, Bruce’s gender issues quickly returned to the closet and once again, the elephant in the room was ignored, sometimes for decades.

Bruce wants her life to make a positive difference.  It remains to be seen to what extent that can and will happen.  Bruce Jenner, Olympic gold medalist in a prestige event and hero of the Cold War in the athletic arena would have had plenty of capital in the court of public opinion to cash in.  But that capital has seen plenty of tarnish from her heavy involvement in reality television soap operas that spill over into all of the media coverage of her life in recent years.  I agree with Bruce that it is absurd that all of this is a publicity stunt.  The fact that a significant number of people believe it is true highlights the perception that needs to be overcome.

And yes, the specter of an even bigger elephant looms over Bruce’s situation.  It is a specter that could only receive the briefest mention due to legal issues.  I am talking about the fatal car accident that Bruce was involved in after the interviews were taped.  If Bruce eventually is found guilty of a serious crime such as involuntary manslaughter, her possible platform for good for the TG community will prove to have a trap door to the basement.

The impression I came away with from the end of the program is that Bruce intends to live the next year of her life in a low key, out of the limelight manner as much as possible.  Her invitation to Ms. Sawyer to come back in a year and see how well she did would imply that the world will not know a lot about her movements and actions over the next 12 months.  But between pending legal matters, aggressive paparazzi and journalists, and even well-wishers and people from the trans community who want a piece of her, a low key life may prove far easier said than done.  But the intent is wise.  Bruce will need this time of her life for learning and discovery, whether self or comportment or further reaching physical changes.  I hope she can achieve that time for herself.

Would I love to meet Bruce Jenner?  Of course!  Our paths are likely to have crossed on occasion: perhaps on the Tappan Zee Bridge, in some shopping center, or at a sporting event.  Because I was the manager of the Cornell cross country and track teams for four years (1970-74), are degree of separation is very small.  Jon Anderson (Class of ’71) personally challenged me to stay as manager for all four years.  (I made it, Jon!)  Anderson, the next to last American to win the men’s division of the Boston Marathon, was Jenner’s teammate on the 1972 US Olympic track team.

Bruce has enough to deal with in her life right now.  I will not add to it.  If perchance she reaches out to me for any reason, I am here, just as I have been here for a handful of trans people who have reached out to me in the past year.  I am not a trained counselor and do not hold myself out as such.  I minister to people as a friend with the insight gained through my own journey and study of spiritual matters.

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24

God bless,

Lois