Letter to my previous church – Part 1

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When I left my previous church (by mutual agreement with the pastor) in November 2012, I wrote a letter of explanation to be shared with the congregation, but it did not include information about being transgender.  When I found out recently that they had been told anyway, this is the letter I would send to my church if I could.

To my dear sisters and brothers in Christ at CBC,

It isn’t often that a person gets to say goodbye twice, or needs to for that matter.  But I believe that I need to.  For when I said goodbye the first time, while I did not lie to you, I also did not tell you some significant details.  I have only recently learned that you have been told those details.  But I would like to tell my own story.

First, let me say that now that I know Pastor’s reasons for telling you, I am in agreement with his reasoning.  I do wish that he would have trusted me enough to tell me he was going to do that, but it is a minor issue.  The bottom line is that both of us had the best interests of the body of Christ at heart.  I was concerned that I might cause a church split, whether I stayed or even if it was known that I was not immediately told to leave.  I never considered the fact that in light of my significant involvement in the handling of the church finances, my sudden departure for vague reasons might raise questions.  Pastor, with his years of experience and leading from the Holy Spirit was sensitive to this issue.  I am grateful.

Indeed, I now believe that one of the reasons that the Lord led me to CBC about ten years ago was that Pastor was precisely the right man to be my counselor at this critical time of my life.  I know a few pastors who I sat under who would not have handled the situation well.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

I have known of my true gender identity since age 7.  That is about the average age at which those who are known as either transgender (more recent terminology) or transsexual (older terminology) discover this information about ourselves.  I believe that the main reason I didn’t know sooner is that until that age, the primary division in people for me was between adult and child.  By the time that I was three or four years old, I was becoming aware that I was considered smart and could do things mentally well beyond what most kids could do.  Yet I was still very limited in what I could and could not do.  So I wanted to be an adult.

Yet I didn’t want to be female.  At age 7, I knew that I was.  So I am very aware of the mental difference between “wanting to be” and “knowing I am”.

This didn’t become particularly problematic for me until I was 10 going on 11. In sixth grade I left public school to go to a private school that had grades six to twelve.  I feel that the combination of a maturing body, changing voice and seeing the gradual progress of my school mates from children to older teens was the reason.  My future was becoming clear to me, and it was not what I wanted.

It was around this time that I started to pray that God would change my body while I slept and I would wake up with a girl’s body.  Surely my parents, teachers, doctors and the church couldn’t argue against that, could they?  It was also around that time that I came up with a new name for myself.  It was perfectly logical to me at the time, and I was surprised to find that very few of us change our names that early in life.  I know of no one else who did it the way that I did.  To my way of thinking at that age, if I was going to “reverse” from a boy to a girl, then I would reverse my name.  And so, with a few tweaks and permutations, I came up with the name by which I am known today: Lois Simmons.  (Much later I added the middle name, Elizabeth, to honor the maternal side of my family.)

Have you ever been in a situation where a child brings home a stray?  If the parents don’t want to keep the animal, they do everything in their power to prevent it from being named.  They know it will be much harder to part with “Fluffy” than with an unnamed stray cat.

In that same way, naming myself was a tether that kept me even more connected to my true identity.  For most of my life, I kept considerable distance away from the transgender community.  That was especially true in most of the years after I was saved.  And even when I did explore on the Internet, my contact with others was either minimal or none at all.  So that extra connection was very important to me.  The fact that the name survived for fifty years, waiting for me to stop denial, is significant to me.  My imaginary friends disappeared by the time that I also knew that Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny were not real.  Lois Simmons is the real me.

Even if you start my story from the time that I went away to college and started to live on my own, that story is 42 years long until the time that I started living full-time as Lois, six days after I last attended CBC.  All the details would be a book, not a letter.  But I can summarize it by saying that my true gender identity survived a decade of struggle to start a career after graduation from college.  It survived the disappointment of a failed marriage of less than a year (over issues totally unrelated to gender) and then further disappointment when that person seriously came back into my life and departed again while I was attending CBC in 2006-7 (as some of you may remember).  It survived the long hours of hard work that it took to gain clients and build a financial business that at one time included investments, insurance and financial planning.  It survived 11 years of extreme poverty that came from a failed second business that was a money pit, a poverty that had ended shortly before I started attending CBC.

My gender identity endured after I was born again and began to grow in my Christian walk.  It endured through all my service to Christian ministry (you know which one, name omitted in obedience to not link its name to outside activities) and whatever church I was attending regularly (four during my adult life, including the one I attend now, the Spring Valley Corps of the Salvation Army, where I am an adherent member).  It endured despite all the wonderful Christian male role models I met in Christian ministry and in those churches.  It endured despite all the other male activities I took part in, whether sports, two years as an engineering major, a male-oriented profession as a stock broker or men’s groups in churches.

It also endured all the years I tried to deny who I really am out of fear: fear of losing my career, fear of what the church would say, fear of what God would do, fear of losing my family, fear of what kind of life I might be forced to live, fear that I would look like a freak or a “guy in a dress”.  It endured all the times over the years that I would pray for the Lord to take this away from me.  (My previous praying for God to change my body stopped after a couple of years.)

It is important to note that as an adult, I have never prayed for God to “make me a woman”.  Nor have I asked that of any person.  No operation or anything else can make that happen.  Either someone’s innate, core gender identity is female or it is not.  As Margaret Thatcher has been quoted, “Power is like being a lady… if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”  When my gender counselor asked me why I was requesting her services, my answer was simply that “I want to know the truth.  And I don’t want to make a mistake.”

I have been grieved by some of the things that I have done over the years in my exploration of my identity, especially from late spring to the beginning of autumn in 2011.  (When you started to see me clean-shaven, and with longer hair and nails in at the end of 2011 and in 2012, I was already well along in my healing and seeing confirmation that this is who I really am.  R. M., thank you for the compliment you gave me.)  I am grateful that I never involved anyone physically and never led anyone into a sinful lifestyle online.  (In December 2011, I even started to witness to one husband & wife couple who I met on an adult website!)

People who have stayed in my life tell me that I am happier now.  That is a wonderful blessing but that isn’t why I did it.  I did it to be authentic and that is what I feel I am now.  I have more joy, more peace and more self-control.  Those are part of the Fruit of the Spirit, which Satan cannot counterfeit.  Therefore, they are more important to me.

In some ways, it is better that this information comes to you nearly 3½ years later.  Now I can report to you on how things have gone in my life, not on what I hoped they will be.  And while I had no idea that this would have ever happened, transgender has become much more visible in society within the past year.

Being part of and serving in the Salvation Army has been a wonderful experience for me.  The Lord has honored me by allowing me to become a part of two of the largest worldwide Christian missionary outreach organizations.  I am too old to go through the process of becoming an Army officer, but as an adherent member I go out on community outreach up to three times per year, I help with counting the kettle offerings at Christmas and I maintain a list of Rockland churches for the Spring Valley Corps.  It was one of the duties I had in my other Christian ministry and it was easy for me to step up and take on that role when I heard that there was a need.  For about 15-20 weeks a year, I participate in the Women’s Bible Study at the Corps.  Most of the participants have graduated from the Officers Training College and really know the Word!  I have learned a lot, and I am blessed that my contributions to the discussions are highly esteemed.

Now when I transitioned, as a person under authority, I willingly resigned from the other Christian ministry.  I was making a public declaration that I did not qualify because one of the qualifications of membership is to be male.  It would have been hypocritical for me to try to claim the right to remain a member, and despicable if I had followed the advice of a few who wanted me to fight for the right to remain a member.  (I dismissed such talk immediately.)

Even here, the Lord has blessed me.  One of my remaining friends in the ministry told me that an affiliate program started in 2014.  There were no qualifications to join.  I became a prayer partner and I donate $10 per month. Because of my regular donation, I received a book on witnessing and occasionally receive some free pocket testaments.  And I can also buy more testaments if I run out of the free ones.  I recommend it to anyone who would like to increase their witnessing for Christ.

Best of all, I witness and give out many more copies of God’s word one on one now than I ever did as a member previously.  No longer carrying around secret shame, I am not encumbered in connecting to others.  Slowly the Lord is bringing along my witnessing skills.  I praise the Lord for His mercy and grace to me.

I have more to share with you in part two.  But it is customary for me to close my blog posts with scripture.  Because today is Good Friday and also because I am no longer despising myself in shame, this is the verse that comes to mind:

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:2

God bless,

Lois

Dear Ms. Caitlyn Jenner

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English: The Tappan Zee Bridge as seen in Tarrytown, NY (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve never met Caitlyn.  But we have a lot in common.  We both identify as female, transgender, Christian and politically conservative on a number of issues.  We both spent a significant portion of our respective childhoods within a few miles of the Tappan Zee Bridge (I was on the opposite shore from her).  And since I am only three years younger than Caitlyn, some of that time was concurrent (from November 1960 to the summer of 1963, according to my calculations, based on when my family moved there and Caitlyn’s family moving to Connecticut after her freshman year of high school).

We share a love of sports.  I lettered in four sports in high school.  However, it was a very small prep school and the only way my career in sports would continue was because I became the manager for the track & field and cross country teams at a Division One university (Cornell) with an excellent program for over a century in those sports.  While I had some evidence of athletic ability, it came in a body that was considerably more compact.

In fact, there was most likely only one degree of separation between us before she came out in public.  That is because as team manager, I met one of Jenner’s teammates on the 1972 Olympic track team and also had a nodding acquaintance with a former U.S. Olympian (Bob Kane) who would become the president of the U.S. Olympic Committee shortly after Jenner’s gold medal in 1976 Olympics.  And there are likely others in track & field circles that both of us know.

It seems that a lot of people are telling Caitlyn Jenner what she should and shouldn’t do.  I should think I have as much right to do so, if not more.  However, I have reached an age where I try not to tell anyone what to do; I only make suggestions.  And I admit that the suggestions I make to my tax clients are quite authoritative.

But I have no intention of sending a letter to her home to get intermingled with hundreds of other letters from fans and foes.  So I am posting it publicly.  If one of my blog readers or LinkedIn connections knows her personally and finds it worthy of passing along, so be it.

Dear Caitlyn,

After some downtime, you are finding your way back into the news again.  Criticism of you by people who are hostile to transgender people is to be expected.  But much criticism also comes from others within the transgender community.  Is it warranted?

Let’s start with something that was unquestionably positive for the transgender community: your contact of South Dakota Governor Dennis Daugaard regarding recent legislation that would have discriminated against trans youth.  Did your voice play a part in paving the way for the Governor, who admitted never having knowingly met a transgender person, to remedy that omission?  Did that in turn help lead to his eventual veto?  I’m sure it did.

What about your meeting with Pastor Ed Young, a prime mover in the defeat of the HERO bill in Houston last November?  You prayed with him and while that is always a blessing in general, hopefully the pastor could see the Holy Spirit in you as you prayed together and in your conversation as well.  But it also gave you the opportunity to share how hateful the pastor’s trans hostile videos have been.  Someone well battle-tested on the front lines of our struggle, Kate Bornstein, gave you kudos for that.

Yes, it is important to meet with others in the transgender community (and our allies) to continue to get educated on who we are as individuals and as a group.  But what progress do we make if we only meet with each other.  Only Nixon could go to China.  Only Kirk could negotiate a peace treaty with the Klingons.  I’ve made a positive impact with many (not all) Christians in my little corner of the globe.  But so far, there are only so many I can reach.

1976 Summer Olympics (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Caitlyn, please keep some things in mind.  First of all, there is only so much any one person can do.  I know that you were remarkably consistent in your decathlon scores, but you were able to train for those both physically and with technique.  Training to live as a woman in real life, undoing a lifetime of habits, is many times more difficult.  Plus the available coaching is far more rudimentary than anything you would have received in preparation for Montreal 1976.

Second, you are not alone in the work.  There are many others out here as well.  You don’t have to become exactly like them, but you also want to be careful about acting at cross purposes with them.

But most of all, Caitlyn, you don’t even have a year living full-time as you.  And with your lifestyle and opportunities, in some ways you have experienced less than most of us.  (Make note of Renee Richards’ hindsight about how unrealistic it was for her to spend her one year life experience by taking a cruise to Italy, living for a while in a real life Fellini movie and then tooling around western Europe in a sports car, before losing her nerve in Morocco on the steps of the hospital – twice.) Ten months ago, immediately after watching Diane Sawyer interview you, my biggest concern was that you still wouldn’t be you.  You know how to be a feted celebrity.  You’ve been there and done that forty years ago. But do you know how to be Caitlyn Jenner?  Make sure you treat yourself to the time you need to find out, away from the cameras, the banquets and even your entourage sometimes.

And this brings me to your remarks about Ted Cruz.  I am acknowledging up front that there are people who read the headlines and went nuclear without reading anything else that you said on the subject.  (Headline writers provoke more than inform.)  Indeed you acknowledge that Sen. Cruz has one of the worst records on trans issues when viewed by the transgender community.  What you don’t acknowledge is how unlikely it would be for Cruz or most Republicans today to be willing to even consider having a liaison with the transgender community.   When he met you prior to coming out, Cruz treated you as an Olympic gold medalist and sports hero.  As a little boy, he may have even idolized you on the front of the Wheaties box.  There is no reason to expect he will treat you so kindly now.

I truly understand the dilemma you face politically.  What do you do when the politicians and party whose values you tend to agree with on a broad range of issues: a) see people like us as moral deviants at best and part of the vanguard of end times wickedness at worst; b) refuse to believe our testimonies that this is who we are and have always known ourselves to be with respect to gender, and who continue to insist that we have made an immoral choice; c) don’t believe we have the right to enjoy the same rights and freedoms as the rest of society enjoys: protection from job discrimination; proper medical care consistent with the findings of the American Medical Association and American Psychiatric Association; the ability to make life choices consistent with our innate gender identity; the right to safety; d) actively campaign to take away our recently-won rights (not special rights, just the “unalienable” right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness)?

Some have quoted you (or perhaps assumed) that you believe that Republicans are better on transgender issues than Democrats are.  Later articles appear to have corrected that misquote, and you admit that Democrats are more favorable on trans issues.  So I am going to take it that the latter is true for you.  But I will share that when I first read the former, my impulse was that you needed to name names.  Just who are these supportive Republicans?

Then I remembered that the Log Cabin Republicans claim to advocate on behalf of transgender individuals, not just lesbians, gays and bisexuals.  So I went to their website.  I looked at their recent initiatives.  I looked through their press releases.  They congratulated you for coming out during the Diane Sawyer interview.  Since then, keeping in mind all the transgender oriented legislation and votes that have been in play since then in places like Houston and South Dakota, they have been totally silent on transgender issues.  It has been disappointing to say the least.

On the one hand, it is good to have a positive attitude and a belief that you can make a difference in Christian and politically conservative circles.  But while there is no crime in being naïve, it is not helpful to overestimate the speed with which you will be able to change hearts.  You have strengths: a warm, likable personality, a record of achievement that few people can match and access to channels that most of us will never come close to having.  But on the negative side, your association with Kardashian reality television and continuing with that format to some extent on your own show makes it easy for some people to dismiss you as a publicity hound.

Caitlyn, I know you have heard much of this before from many sources.  But you may not have heard it from a source who is similar to you in as many ways as I am: transgender, MTF, Christian, conservative, background in track and field (and athletics in general), and raised in the Lower Hudson Valley.  You and I understand how much work there needs to be done on transgender in the Christian and politically conservative communities.  At the same time, we are not willing to write them off as hopeless.

I have more that I could say to you, but I’d prefer to convey it privately, if indeed you should grace me with a personal contact.  Contact can be initiated through my blog or contact information on my LinkedIn page.

Caitlyn, I am in the habit of closing out my blog posts with scripture.  This verse is on a monthly prayer calendar for a Christian ministry I am associated with.  It is a perfect admonition from the Lord to leave you with.

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. – Psalm 37:5

God bless,

Lois

Are Noah’s ark animals an argument against transgender?

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Adam's genealogy, animals, ark, Audubon Society, barren, Bible, birds, choosing, clean and unclean animals, daily prayer, dominion, fertile, flood, floodwaters, gender issues, Genesis 1:27, Genesis 5-7, Genesis creation narrative, God, Ham, husband and wife, hyena, ideal, infertile, Isaiah 54:1-10, Japheth, male and female, mate for life, Noah, Noah's ark, population, prove others right, representative sample, sample size, Seth, Shem, transgender community, truth

Those of us in the transgender community might think that we have enough arguments against us to debunk.  However many years ago, a career counselor taught me the value of trying to prove others right.  If proven, you gain truth, understanding and agreement.  If the proof fails, your position has added validity as one obtained by an impartial observer.  So hopefully I have brought my A game to this post (besides the alliteration in the title).

It is of utmost importance to me that my actions and beliefs are consistent with the Bible.  It is my daily prayer that the Lord give my understanding of what I will read that day, whether to refresh what He has already taught me, to correct what I have learned in error or to add to my knowledge of the Word of God.

For the first time in a few years, I was given pause about my position on transgender by something in my daily reading.  And so in the spirit of gaining truth and understanding, I looked into it further and meditated upon it.

Noah Found Grace in the Eyes of the Lord; as in Genesis 6:8; illustration from Sunrays Quarterly (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A couple of days ago, I began reading Genesis as my daily devotional reading.  On back to back days, I read the creation account and the account of Noah up to the point that the floodwaters began to cover the earth.  What immediately struck me that I had never picked up on before was the return to the phrase “male and female” that we find in Genesis 1:27.  In Genesis 5:1-2, we return once again to a quick summary of the creation account’s description of the origin of the human race.  We are reminded that God created us in His likeness, and that He created us male and female.  The same Hebrew words for male and female are used in both chapters of Genesis.  While Genesis 4 deals with the descendants of Adam through the murderous Cain, Genesis 5 begins the genealogy of the descendants of Adam through Seth.  It is this genealogy that will lead to Noah, and thereby to all descendants of the human race.  For it is only Noah, his wife, his sons and their wives, 8 people in all, who will be the human survivors of the flood.

In chapter 6 starting with verse 14, God begins to instruct Noah on what he is to do to preserve the human race, the land animals and the flying animals.  And after the instructions on the building of the ark, in verse 19 God begins to tell Noah about bringing representatives of the land animals and flying animals into the ark with Noah and his seven family members.  From that verse until the floodwaters lift the ark off the ground (Genesis 7:17), the phrase “male and female” is mentioned six times.  When God repeats something even once, it is meant to get our attention.  Six times certainly grabbed my attention.

However, a curious thing occurs when we look closer.  While it is the same phrase in English, in two of the six times, different Hebrew words are used than we find in Genesis 1 & 5.  The words used for male and female most often are “zakar” and “n^eqebah”.  These are very generic words for male and female, whether applied to humans or animals.  But the words used the other two times, “iysh” and “ishshah” have shades of meaning not found in the more generic words.  While they are also properly translated as male and female, according to my research, this is the only two times they are translated that way in the KJV.  More often, they are translated as man and woman, or even more specifically, husband and wife.

Where are the more specific Hebrew words used?  Only in Genesis 7:2, to describe the seven pairs of clean beasts (i.e. land animals) and the one pair of unclean beasts that are to be brought into the ark.  (In Genesis 7:2-3, God expands upon the more general instructions that were given to Noah in 6:19.)

National Audubon Society (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is not clear why God uses the more generic term in 7:3 to refer to the seven pairs of flying creatures that are to be brought upon the ark.  After all, the more specific term evokes the sense of mates.  There are birds that mate for life.  According to the Audubon Society, these include the Bald Eagle, the Laysan Albatross, the Scarlet Macaw, the Whooping Crane, the Atlantic Puffin and the Black Vulture.  Surely God knows His own creation, including these facts.  Regardless, He has made his point: the creatures to be brought on the ark are intended to mate once the floodwaters have receded and they can be released.  Indeed, there is no other reason to bring them aboard.

In other words, the animals chosen are not necessarily representative samples.  They are ideal members of their kind, just as Noah and his family were ideal contrasts to the rest of the human race at that point in history.  Also, it is important to note that it was God, not Noah, who did the choosing.  Genesis 6:20 makes it clear that Noah does not have to search the globe for the animals.  Those of every kind will come to him.  God guided those of His choosing to make their way to Noah and submit to his dominion.

We also get an idea of how ideal the choice is when we remember that God chose four specific male and female pairs of humans from one family to survive the worldwide flood and prolong the human race.  This was by no means a representative sample of the population.

How large would a representative sample be?  We might think that the difficulty in estimating the population of the world in Noah’s day would make it difficult to calculate such a thing.  Not so, according to market research advisers at checkmarket.com.  Once your sample size exceeds 20,000, the size of a representative sample does not increase very much.  In fact, the sample size didn’t increase at all between 500 thousand and 1 million people.  Even at the generally minimum confidence level of 95% and margin of error of 5% and rounding up to nearest hundred (as they recommend), with a population size of at least 10,000 people, the representative sample size would be 400.  Even the most conservative estimates of population in Noah’s day put the world population at over 15 million people.  (Note: These estimates are from scientists that do not necessarily believe in the Biblical account and/or a young Earth viewpoint.)  So we have no problem using 400 as our representative sample size.  This is 50 times larger than the number of humans chosen by God to continue the human race.  It is clearly not a representative sample.

Okay, so how does this relate to gender issues?  In this way: if we know that God deliberately chose certain representatives of the human race and of each kind of creature, then we cannot say use the term “male and female” in the worldwide flood account to make a claim that such terms exclusively apply to those people who are able to reproduce.  Indeed, if the choice had been left up to Noah, he would have had no way to distinguish between animals able to reproduce and those unable to, regardless of the reason why.  In fact, there are some land animals where it is difficult to even tell between male and female (the hyena, for one).

God had to choose specific animals because Noah’s random choices would have likely resulted in at least some infertile animals being chosen, animals that would still be correctly classified as either male or female.  In fact, Noah’s choices may have been skewed towards the slower and weaker (i.e. not so random) which would have a greater likelihood of being infertile.

Also, we have no proof that Noah and his wife were still able to reproduce.  There is no record of them having any more children.  And Genesis 9:19 states that the repopulation of the earth came only from Noah’s three sons.  Indeed, the same analysis that applies to Genesis 1:27 applies to Genesis 6 and 7 regarding male and female.  There are a number of reasons by which males and females are infertile: age, injury, illness and congenital conditions to name those that quickly come to mind.  These do not make them any less male or female, whichever applies.

Nor does having an innate gender identity that is incongruent with our anatomy make us any less male or female, whichever applies.  This is the conclusion of this exercise.  This is what we see over and over, looked at from all angles, both Biblical and secular.

Prior to Genesis, I was reading in Isaiah.  As one unable to bear children, I was comforted by these words in Isaiah 54, verses 1-10.  But it is only now that I have written this blog post that I have noticed that Noah and the flood were included in the passage.  The Holy Spirit has a remarkable way of making these things happen.

Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD. Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes; For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited. Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.

God bless,

Lois

Why does it come down to bathrooms?

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assault, bathroom facilities, bullies, Chaz Bono, children, compromise, crime, criminal impersonation, cross dresser, dangerous, daughters, desecration, disguise, fear-mongering, female to male, hatred, Ladies Room, lifestyle, loophole, male to female, moderate point of view, Murder, physical vulnerability, protection, Public bathrooms, rape, safety, schools, TDOR, teenager, Transgender, transgender community, transgender rights legislation, Transsexual, victims, Women's bathroom

… when it should be about violence against transgender people?

I am female.  That makes me physically vulnerable.  Sometimes, I use the ladies room in public places.  It is a personal issue for me.

As a woman in the world, I need to be aware of my surroundings.  That means where I park my car, where I walk late at night and so on.  It has nothing to do with being transgender.  Having just passed year two of real life experience, the evidence is that very few people have read me.  Certainly they would not from a distance.  This is what friends tell me and this is what the reactions of strangers (or lack thereof) tell me.  So while I am aware of the excessive violence against transgender members of society, my perceived vulnerability is related to being female.

Some time ago, I had the opportunity to comment on some legislation that would give the right of people to (in laymen’s terms) use bathroom facilities based on the way they are presenting themselves at the time.  If they are dressed female, they would have the right to use female restrooms.

My initial reaction is that the legislation was too broad.  Like many women, I would not want to encounter someone the size of an NFL defensive lineman in a women’s bathroom at the mall, simply because that person decided to wear a dress and a wig and maybe smeared on some makeup.  My concern was not about a transgender person, regardless of size.  Rather it was about someone looking for a loophole in the law to prey on women in a place where we need to have an expectation of safety and privacy.

My confession is that I now realize that I was wrong to not comment favorably on the legislation.  There are a number of reasons.  From a legal standpoint, the situation I am concerned about is covered by statues that make it illegal for a person to use disguises or impersonation to facilitate the commission of a crime or the express purpose of committing a crime.  That covers assault, bank robbery, impersonating a police officer and pulling over a motorist on the highway and so on.  If we need to add a clause to transgender rights legislation that confirms that nothing in that new law will nullify the existing laws about committing a crime while in disguise, then do it.  Don’t throw out the law on that basis.

But there is a more basic reason.  It has to do with the reality of who needs to be protected.

Once again we have reached the time of year when we remember those members of the transgender community who were murdered in the past year.  Once again we will read the names of hundreds of those victims of hatred.  Once again we will be reminded that merely living life as we know ourselves to be, based on how we were born, we are thousands of times more likely to end our life at the brutal hands of another human.  Once again we will read and hear the causes: blunt force trauma to the head; multiple stab wounds; stoning; multiple gunshot wounds; dismemberment; suffocation; burning; strangulation; hanging; thrown from a vehicle and run over; pushed off a moving train; drowned.  We are told about the indignities that sometimes are added to these murders: rape, eyes removed, victims bound and gagged, victims dumped like trash.  We read the locations.  Yes many occur in foreign countries: Brazil, India, the Philippines, England and Turkey to name a few.  But this epidemic brutality has not departed from the United States.  Since our last TDOR memorial, we have notice of murders in Cleveland, Baltimore, Memphis, and Los Angeles as well as some smaller municipalities.

Nor does murder against members of the transgender community respect an age limit.  The oldest victim was 55 years old; the youngest eight.  The child’s father was the murderer.  The reason: the child refused to get a haircut, liked women’s clothing and dancing.

Now tell me, how many murders were committed in the past year by members of the transgender community against people because they were perceived to be cisgender?  How many murders were committed in the past year by men disguised as women who preyed on women in public restrooms or similar places provided for women?  Could it happen?  Of course it could.  Does it happen?  Send me the report from a legitimate news source and I will not deny it.  Would the number, if any, approach the number of transgender people murdered over the same time period?  Not even close.

So who is it that needs protection again?  With all the fear mongering and hand wringing about what someone might do or who might be going into the same bathroom at school as your daughter, there are hundreds of people who are actually being killed and even desecrated.  The outcry is against something theoretical that has not caused problems when put into practice in various locations.  But even worse, the outcry is against laws that are designed to attempt to protect people who actually are getting murdered and assaulted.

People are sensitive about what happens to children.  Let’s take a closer look at the arguments about schools.

First of all, who do your daughters need to fear?  Are there no girl bullies in your school?  Consider yourself fortunate.  Some schools even have girl gangs.  Not only are they using the same bathrooms as your daughter, they are far more likely to be predatory than a male to female transgender child.

In fact, the transgender child is more likely to be the recipient of violence than the inflictor (as we also see in the adult world).  What you are demanding is that someone else’s daughter (as her parents see her), a transgender girl, use a boy’s bathroom dressed as a girl with all her male classmates knowing that she acts like a girl.  Don’t you see how cruel that is?  Don’t you see how much more dangerous that is to this child than the hypothetical fear that you are projecting on this situation.  And I say hypothetical because in school districts were this has been tried (for example in Los Angeles for 10 years) no problems of the kind you are claiming are occurring.  But we certainly know many cases of transgender children being bullied and attacked.

Furthermore, when you say is that you don’t want a male to female transgender child in the bathroom with your daughter, you are implying (whether you know it or not) that it is acceptable to you for a female to male child to be in that bathroom with her.  Regardless of the body with which this child was born, he now thinks of himself as male, has the attitudes of a male, may be working out his body as a male.  In other words, if your daughter is in middle or high school, you are perfectly fine with your daughter being in the bathroom with someone who essentially is a teenage guy.  The only thing he can’t do is get your daughter pregnant.  But he could certainly molest her, if that is what is on his mind.

Now please understand here that I am not saying that this is what female to male transsexuals do or are inclined to do.  The point that I just made is that this is the consequence of the absurd reasoning of those who are hateful and fear-mongering.  Part of this is because the protection of daughters is a bigger flash point than the protection of sons.  Another part is that there is much more attention in society given to male to female than female to male.  When the “average” cisgender person thinks at all about the topic of transgender, my experience is that male to female is far more likely to come to mind.  If not for Chaz Bono, many cisgender people might not even know that the transgender door swings both ways.  Perhaps some people still aren’t aware of that fact.

There are some Christian parents who object to their children being exposed to this “lifestyle”.  I respect their right to their opinion.  But let me point out two things.  First, do they send their children to schools were all the students are Christian?  If they are going to public school, the answer is almost always “no”.  Therefore, they are exposing their children to others who might tell them about the beliefs of another religion, or even the belief that God doesn’t exist.  Isn’t that a far riskier exposure that might turn their children away from what they are teaching them?  In comparison, transgender is one tiny issue that is still a rare phenomenon in society.

And that is the second point.  It is a phenomenon, not a lifestyle.  Children at age young ages (often pre-school) are not choosing a lifestyle.  They are simply declaring who they are.  Those who know truly know.  No matter how much sand some people try to shovel against the tide, the growing evidence is that this is a birth condition.  Indeed, this is the way God made them (and me) and that is what you are arguing against.

Now, move ahead to the adult years.  While the exposure to an objectionable lifestyle argument generally disappears at this time, all the other arguments against transgender rights to use a bathroom commensurate with one’s presentation remain.  But the counter arguments are also the same and even stronger.  For someone presenting as a woman to use a men’s public bathroom is even more dangerous than in school.  The men are stronger and the security is laxer.  And the transman who would be required to use the woman’s bathroom is also now likely to be much stronger.  As an adult, he is far more likely to be on testosterone, not just estrogen blockers.  He is building solid muscle, especially if he is working out.  And many do work out.

Finally, let me address what appears to be a moderate point of view.  I have spoken to people who are supportive of me, but they have a problem with some legislation being too extreme.  They will support legislation that allows people who can show that they have been diagnosed as transgender to use the bathrooms of their target gender.  But they draw the line at a man being allowed to use a woman’s bathroom just because “he feels like a woman that day” (as some would make the argument).

This is pretty much where we came in.  Basically, we are addressing the fear that someone will use this as a loophole to prey on women.  But as we have seen, this is a red herring.  There are other laws that cover this situation.

But while restricting the rights to those who have been diagnosed might sound like a reasonable compromise, there are still many transgendered people who would be exposed to unnecessary danger over such a compromise.  First of all, it does not protect the male to female transsexual who has not yet been diagnosed and in some cases those who have requested a delay in that diagnosis because of family, job or insurance issues.

Second, it does not take into consideration the fact that there are some transgender people who are not transsexual in the sense that those terms have been used in recent years.  They cross dress.  They enjoy expressing their feminine side on a regular and ongoing basis.  But they still see themselves as belonging to their assigned gender.  If their birth certificate states that they are male, they see themselves as male.  But they go to galas, parties, events, clubs, support and social group meetings in female mode.  And whether they are at a public hotel or restaurant or at a rest stop, they may have the need to use the bathroom facilities.  They would face the same dangers as a diagnosed transsexual if they were to use the men’s bathroom.  The legislation needs to be crafted so that they are also protected.  Here again, they are in far greater danger in a men’s bathroom than the other women in the women’s bathroom are from the presence of that transgender woman.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. – Matthew 5:9

God bless,

Lois

TDOR

Tags

TDOR, transgender community, Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today’s post will not include jokes or cute stories.  Murder and hate crime is no laughing matter.

At various dates in mid-November, memorial services are held throughout the United States and in some other countries, remembering those who were murdered because of their association with the transgender community.  TDOR stands for Transgender Day of Remembrance.

I have to confess that for most of my life, spent in denial, I kept some distance from the transgender community and lurked deep in the background.  So I only had a vague awareness of TDOR before I began my transition.  I attended two TDOR services last year (November 2012).  It was an eye-opener for me.

Part of the service was a processional before those assembled.  I was among those who volunteered to be part of the processional.  One by one, we were handed a slip of paper with the basic information about the victim and how they were murdered.  We read that out loud to the rest of the assembly.  Then we headed to the back of the line to continue the process until the last name was read.  Some were so overcome with grief, they were only able to read one or two names before they had to retire to their seat.  I remember one person who could not finish reading the information in their hand.

Only a couple of people made it all the way to the end.  I was one of them, but it is stated merely as a fact, not a boast.  I made the effort to steel myself at the beginning, willing myself back to the days when I repressed my emotions, because I felt a need to serve my community that I had neglected for so long, going above and beyond.  I am not sure I will be able to do it again.  I will find out soon.

The victims are usually people who identify in some way as transgendered.  But there have also been victims who were active supporters for transgender rights.  And sometimes a person is murdered because the murderer perceived them to be transgender.

A horrific example is that sometimes infants and young children have been murdered because of transphobia.  Here are some examples:

–      In December 1999, an unnamed infant was murdered in Dallas by strangulation and blunt force trauma to the head.  The child had been born with ambiguous genitalia.  The alleged murderer was the child’s mother.

–      Mikey was a three year old child living in Riverside, California.  His father repeatedly called him a sissy and would slap him to toughen him up.  In August 2005, Mikey died in the hospital from internal injuries sustained when he was kicked, punched and dropped on his head.  He was in his father’s care when it happened.

–      Roy was a 16-month old toddler living on the Shinnecock Indian Reservation on Long Island, when he was killed by the mother’s boyfriend (not a member of the Shinnecock Nation) in August 2010.  The boyfriend told police that he struck Roy with his closed fist several times, “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl.”

According to the TDOR website, the murder of 44 transgender related victims have been reported since November 20, 2012 somewhere in the world.  But that is not the whole story.  There are many places in the world where these deaths go unreported or the transgender nature of the victim is covered up.  Last year, the number of names reported was also in the mid-forties.  Recently it was learned that the number should have been nearly triple that amount.

For those victims this past year whose age was known, the age range was from 13 to 42.  Countries reporting murders include Brazil, Jamaica, Venezuela, United Kingdom, Guyana, Turkey, Mexico, Honduras, Colombia and France.  Lest you think that this no longer happens in the United States, murders took place in the following locations: Orlando, Baltimore, Fontana (CA), Manhattan, Cleveland, New Brunswick (NJ) and Milwaukee.

No murder is a pretty sight.  But in some of the cases reported, the murderer felt it necessary to choose a method that was especially cruel and sadistic.  Warning, here are some of the more gruesome examples:

–      Skull crushed by stoning

–      Body thrown under a truck

–      Stoned and stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle

–      Trans partners who were both beheaded and burned

–      Partially scalped and tortured

–      Beaten, stabbed, shot and run over by a car

–      Multiple stab wounds, tied to a block of concrete and thrown in a pond.

–      Bludgeoned to death with a hammer

–      And 2013 was ushered in with an extremely horrifying murder.  On New Year’s Day, 22-year old Evon was tied up, beaten with fists and other objects, choked with a chain, had a bag taped over his head, shot, set on fire, and discarded into a dumpster.

Let me pose this question to you, especially if you have found your way to this website and have not been sympathetic toward transgender people.  If outrage is called for, should it not be directed toward these murders and the murderers who committed them?

Whether you are transgender or not, if you have been moved by this post and would like to attend a TDOR near you, read more about it or do more about it, here is the link to the home page of the International Transgender Day of Remembrance.  The locations, times and dates of the memorial services in November 2013 are listed on the home page.  They are not sorted, so please be patient and scroll down until you find a location near you.  If there are none near you, perhaps you are the person to help start one in your area?

http://www.transgenderdor.org/

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. – Romans 12:19