Dear Ms. Caitlyn Jenner

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English: The Tappan Zee Bridge as seen in Tarrytown, NY (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve never met Caitlyn.  But we have a lot in common.  We both identify as female, transgender, Christian and politically conservative on a number of issues.  We both spent a significant portion of our respective childhoods within a few miles of the Tappan Zee Bridge (I was on the opposite shore from her).  And since I am only three years younger than Caitlyn, some of that time was concurrent (from November 1960 to the summer of 1963, according to my calculations, based on when my family moved there and Caitlyn’s family moving to Connecticut after her freshman year of high school).

We share a love of sports.  I lettered in four sports in high school.  However, it was a very small prep school and the only way my career in sports would continue was because I became the manager for the track & field and cross country teams at a Division One university (Cornell) with an excellent program for over a century in those sports.  While I had some evidence of athletic ability, it came in a body that was considerably more compact.

In fact, there was most likely only one degree of separation between us before she came out in public.  That is because as team manager, I met one of Jenner’s teammates on the 1972 Olympic track team and also had a nodding acquaintance with a former U.S. Olympian (Bob Kane) who would become the president of the U.S. Olympic Committee shortly after Jenner’s gold medal in 1976 Olympics.  And there are likely others in track & field circles that both of us know.

It seems that a lot of people are telling Caitlyn Jenner what she should and shouldn’t do.  I should think I have as much right to do so, if not more.  However, I have reached an age where I try not to tell anyone what to do; I only make suggestions.  And I admit that the suggestions I make to my tax clients are quite authoritative.

But I have no intention of sending a letter to her home to get intermingled with hundreds of other letters from fans and foes.  So I am posting it publicly.  If one of my blog readers or LinkedIn connections knows her personally and finds it worthy of passing along, so be it.

Dear Caitlyn,

After some downtime, you are finding your way back into the news again.  Criticism of you by people who are hostile to transgender people is to be expected.  But much criticism also comes from others within the transgender community.  Is it warranted?

Let’s start with something that was unquestionably positive for the transgender community: your contact of South Dakota Governor Dennis Daugaard regarding recent legislation that would have discriminated against trans youth.  Did your voice play a part in paving the way for the Governor, who admitted never having knowingly met a transgender person, to remedy that omission?  Did that in turn help lead to his eventual veto?  I’m sure it did.

What about your meeting with Pastor Ed Young, a prime mover in the defeat of the HERO bill in Houston last November?  You prayed with him and while that is always a blessing in general, hopefully the pastor could see the Holy Spirit in you as you prayed together and in your conversation as well.  But it also gave you the opportunity to share how hateful the pastor’s trans hostile videos have been.  Someone well battle-tested on the front lines of our struggle, Kate Bornstein, gave you kudos for that.

Yes, it is important to meet with others in the transgender community (and our allies) to continue to get educated on who we are as individuals and as a group.  But what progress do we make if we only meet with each other.  Only Nixon could go to China.  Only Kirk could negotiate a peace treaty with the Klingons.  I’ve made a positive impact with many (not all) Christians in my little corner of the globe.  But so far, there are only so many I can reach.

1976 Summer Olympics (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Caitlyn, please keep some things in mind.  First of all, there is only so much any one person can do.  I know that you were remarkably consistent in your decathlon scores, but you were able to train for those both physically and with technique.  Training to live as a woman in real life, undoing a lifetime of habits, is many times more difficult.  Plus the available coaching is far more rudimentary than anything you would have received in preparation for Montreal 1976.

Second, you are not alone in the work.  There are many others out here as well.  You don’t have to become exactly like them, but you also want to be careful about acting at cross purposes with them.

But most of all, Caitlyn, you don’t even have a year living full-time as you.  And with your lifestyle and opportunities, in some ways you have experienced less than most of us.  (Make note of Renee Richards’ hindsight about how unrealistic it was for her to spend her one year life experience by taking a cruise to Italy, living for a while in a real life Fellini movie and then tooling around western Europe in a sports car, before losing her nerve in Morocco on the steps of the hospital – twice.) Ten months ago, immediately after watching Diane Sawyer interview you, my biggest concern was that you still wouldn’t be you.  You know how to be a feted celebrity.  You’ve been there and done that forty years ago. But do you know how to be Caitlyn Jenner?  Make sure you treat yourself to the time you need to find out, away from the cameras, the banquets and even your entourage sometimes.

And this brings me to your remarks about Ted Cruz.  I am acknowledging up front that there are people who read the headlines and went nuclear without reading anything else that you said on the subject.  (Headline writers provoke more than inform.)  Indeed you acknowledge that Sen. Cruz has one of the worst records on trans issues when viewed by the transgender community.  What you don’t acknowledge is how unlikely it would be for Cruz or most Republicans today to be willing to even consider having a liaison with the transgender community.   When he met you prior to coming out, Cruz treated you as an Olympic gold medalist and sports hero.  As a little boy, he may have even idolized you on the front of the Wheaties box.  There is no reason to expect he will treat you so kindly now.

I truly understand the dilemma you face politically.  What do you do when the politicians and party whose values you tend to agree with on a broad range of issues: a) see people like us as moral deviants at best and part of the vanguard of end times wickedness at worst; b) refuse to believe our testimonies that this is who we are and have always known ourselves to be with respect to gender, and who continue to insist that we have made an immoral choice; c) don’t believe we have the right to enjoy the same rights and freedoms as the rest of society enjoys: protection from job discrimination; proper medical care consistent with the findings of the American Medical Association and American Psychiatric Association; the ability to make life choices consistent with our innate gender identity; the right to safety; d) actively campaign to take away our recently-won rights (not special rights, just the “unalienable” right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness)?

Some have quoted you (or perhaps assumed) that you believe that Republicans are better on transgender issues than Democrats are.  Later articles appear to have corrected that misquote, and you admit that Democrats are more favorable on trans issues.  So I am going to take it that the latter is true for you.  But I will share that when I first read the former, my impulse was that you needed to name names.  Just who are these supportive Republicans?

Then I remembered that the Log Cabin Republicans claim to advocate on behalf of transgender individuals, not just lesbians, gays and bisexuals.  So I went to their website.  I looked at their recent initiatives.  I looked through their press releases.  They congratulated you for coming out during the Diane Sawyer interview.  Since then, keeping in mind all the transgender oriented legislation and votes that have been in play since then in places like Houston and South Dakota, they have been totally silent on transgender issues.  It has been disappointing to say the least.

On the one hand, it is good to have a positive attitude and a belief that you can make a difference in Christian and politically conservative circles.  But while there is no crime in being naïve, it is not helpful to overestimate the speed with which you will be able to change hearts.  You have strengths: a warm, likable personality, a record of achievement that few people can match and access to channels that most of us will never come close to having.  But on the negative side, your association with Kardashian reality television and continuing with that format to some extent on your own show makes it easy for some people to dismiss you as a publicity hound.

Caitlyn, I know you have heard much of this before from many sources.  But you may not have heard it from a source who is similar to you in as many ways as I am: transgender, MTF, Christian, conservative, background in track and field (and athletics in general), and raised in the Lower Hudson Valley.  You and I understand how much work there needs to be done on transgender in the Christian and politically conservative communities.  At the same time, we are not willing to write them off as hopeless.

I have more that I could say to you, but I’d prefer to convey it privately, if indeed you should grace me with a personal contact.  Contact can be initiated through my blog or contact information on my LinkedIn page.

Caitlyn, I am in the habit of closing out my blog posts with scripture.  This verse is on a monthly prayer calendar for a Christian ministry I am associated with.  It is a perfect admonition from the Lord to leave you with.

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. – Psalm 37:5

God bless,

Lois

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A Look at the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference

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During the first week in June, I attended my first major transgender related conference.  (My first major transgender themed event occurred six weeks earlier at the gala ball sponsored by Femme Fever on Long Island.)

The Philadelphia Trans Health Conference brings together speakers to present topics, arranges panel discussions, provides space for vendors to display goods, services and other things of interest, provides venues for various artistic presentations, and schedules a handful of social event opportunities.  All these things, along with gender neutral bathrooms, are aimed specifically at the transgender community.

Besides the fact that it was the first time I had entered a bathroom with urinals in over 2½ years, there was something different about this conference that eluded me at first.  Then, it came to me: for the first time in my life, I was at a large gathering where not only were the majority of the people transgender, but the attendees spanned the entire spectrum of the TG community.  (At the gala ball, an overwhelming majority of those present appear as female and glam.  And support/social group meetings have been attended by only 3-25 people.)

One of the best things about the conference is that registration is totally free unless you are there for the professional track.  One still needs to budget food, lodging and transportation, of course.

The best personally affirming moments at the conference were when I received an ovation after I shared how I have reached the point where I no longer have a problem personally sharing my gender story with someone cisgender, and the couple of times people told me that they thought I was either an ally or there in support of a partner.  They were surprised when I told them that I was MTF transgender.  I am in no way ashamed any more of being trans, but it is always lovely to hear that I blend in so well with the general female population.

The first session I attended was “Empowering Older Trans Adults to Protect Their Rights”.  Here we learned about a number of efforts underway to provide needed protection for trans senior citizens.  One is to add LGBT to the Older Americans Act as a group needing extra protection and help.  In general, 1 in 4 trans people experience discrimination in housing.  An effort is being made to include transgender as a category covered by HUD non-discrimination policies.

It was mentioned that increased partisanship is bogging down new legislation, so most of the advances are coming through the executive branch.  The importance of surveying and gathering data from older trans adults was mentioned.  But it was also noted that there is difficulty in conducting these surveys because of small sample size and suspicion by some of the target group members.

Two websites of note were mentioned during this section of the session: www.lgbtagingcenter.org and www.sageusa.org. There is some overlap between these sites and organizations.  There is a White House survey available on the SAGE site.  To access it, you have to go to the “Advocacy” tab and click on “White House Conference on Aging”.  These conferences, which are held only once every ten years and help determine national aging policy, will be held this July.  So if you would like to take the survey, do it soon.  It took me about 15-20 minutes and provides an opportunity for you to share your thoughts and your story (short answers).  Even if your concerns about aging are not immediate and whatever your gender or sexual identity, your input is valid.

Because it is so important to share our stories, the last part of the session allowed us to do just that.  We paired off and told each other our stories based on one of three themes.  I chose “explain a time when you couldn’t be yourself.”  I started by describing how I have not been able to be myself in the Women’s Bible Study at my church, because most of the women attending have not known my story.  Praise the Lord, now they do.  And so when the next Bible study is held, employing godly discernment and discretion, I will be able to share times when my experience is relevant to the lesson being taught.  I won’t be taking over the study, but I will be making my contribution.

My partner for the exercise was a black transman from Montana.  He shared that his employer knows that he is trans.  Even so, I don’t want to say any more than that about him.  Just how many black transmen are there in Montana anyway?  More to the point, how isolated is he from the transgender community, from others like him, and from support services?

We were given one more website, one in which we can share our stories.  I went there and didn’t see many stories and I don’t know how many visitors there have been so far.  But if you are trans and have a story to tell yet do not want to go to the NY Times site, you might want to consider this one.  I haven’t put my story there yet, but hope to do so soon.

http://www.shareourtomorrow.org

On Thursday afternoon (right after I ate lunch, so fortunately there wasn’t much physical involvement by the attendees), I went to Self Defense, a beginner level workshop led by Elena Waldman (elenaselfdefense@yahoo.com).  From New York City, she is one fierce cisgender woman.

Because of my lack of size and plenty of time spent over the years in New York City (sometimes in less than desirable neighborhoods), I had probably been more conscious of safety than most transwomen while in male mode.  And I am even more conscious of it now.

Even so, knowing that we could not be taught any sophisticated techniques in 80 minutes, I was interested in what tips I could pick up.  I did learn a few things and was refreshed in other areas of knowledge.

Because any inaccuracy on my part could possibly endanger someone more than help them, I will let those of you interested in learning more on the topic to contact Ms. Waldman directly.

After that session, I went to something far less intense.  Gender Reel presented a mini film festival: three short videos that fit the 80 minute time frame (minus something about who Gender Reel is and time taken to give away a few t-shirts and posters).  One film was very campy.  The next one was a play within a video that described the lives of nine transwomen in New York City.  The last film dealt with violence against LGBT teens/young adults (specifically a younger transman) in London.  It also included a discriminatory attitude against transmen by a nurse.  I felt that the last one was the best of the three, but all were somewhat disappointing in quality.

My last session on Thursday was a panel discussion entitled “Age is Just a Number”.  While age presents challenges for all people, for transgender individuals, it can be even more challenging.  For those of us who transitioned late in life, we did not plan on living life in our target gender.  And we may have used up considerable resources to transition, resources no longer available for retirement years.

Those who transitioned at an earlier age are likely to have been too concerned with survival to do much planning for old age.  At times, the odds of even surviving to old age might have appeared to be slim.

Age can also be a relative thing in the TG community.  In some ways, it can represent how long it has been since a person transitioned.  It can also be cultural.  For transwomen of color, 40 can represent old age since so few make it to that age.

There are issues relating to sex, dating and relationships.  Those who transition late in life may experience sex in a new way for the first time.  It is not uncommon to see changes in sexual orientation in response.  And in addition to dealing with the same dating and relationship issues that cisgenders face, older trans people are very likely to stay with someone not good for them, simply because they are afraid they won’t find anyone else.  (This is something experienced by trans people of all ages.)

Older trans people are more likely to be isolated.  This makes a difficult time of life even more complicated and problematic.

Major concerns of older trans people:

• Loneliness
• Discrimination issues
• What will happen if it is medically advisable to adjust HRT levels downward
• Health insurance coverage, especially for those on Medicare (necessary services may not match one’s gender marker)
• Poor job skills and education for those whose income potential faded when youth did
• Dealing with medical practitioners who tend to blame any of our medical problems on being trans.
• Not being able to complete transition when other major health issues arise
• Burial rights (will our families bury us under our preferred name and gender)
• Failure to have a will or leave final instructions
• Bereavement for those who have seen many trans friends die.

The first session I attended on Friday was the “Out Late Discussion”.  Aimed at those who have recently taken steps to transition at age 40 or older, the attendees filled three sheets of easel paper with specific concerns.  That took about 25 of the 80 minutes allotted for the session.  Then we grouped those concerns into four major areas: personal choices, relationships with family, relationship with society and biological needs.  The rest of the session was spent on a free-wheeling discussion with the attendees describing significant elements of their particular situations.  The conversation leaned toward sharing individual experiences and emphasizing the validity of each rather than providing answers, although this does not mean that attendees did not gain insight from the stories of others.

The last session I attended at the conference was a talk about transgender surgery by Dr. Keelee McPhee.  She is plastic surgeon based in the Research Triangle area of North Carolina.  Most of her experience is in the area of facial or breast surgeries for both transmen and transwomen.  She has been the primary surgeon on only one MTF “bottom” surgery, having recently studied with Dr. Marci Bowers.  Since my primary decision at this time is “bottom” surgery, most of the talk was only of academic interest to me.  Dr. McPhee did display extensive knowledge in those areas with which she has done many surgeries.

Instead of the final two sessions that I had planned to attend on Friday, I went to a gathering of transwomen at one of Phiadelphia’s LGBT-friendly bars.  I mixed and mingled for a while, although I am not enamored with the bar scene as I find it too noisy and cramped for me.

Finding myself fatigued, I returned home Saturday morning rather than attend the last day of the conference.

Would I recommend that members of the trans community attend?  Yes, there are plenty of topics available for all members, young, old, binary or non-binary.  I would especially like to do one of my own presentations in the future.  The topic would be in line with this blog’s purpose.

And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write; These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth; I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name. – Revelation 3:7-8

God bless,

Lois

Two-faced

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Originally part of the previous post on handedness, I pick up the thread once again with song lyrics from back in the day.  Thank you, Lou Christie!

And I have a confession to make.  No, I’m not living a lie nor do I wear two faces (although until a few years ago, that was true).

My confession has to do with the title for my blog.  It is based on out-of-date science.  It is based on the idea that Mercury was the McDLT of planets: one side faces the sun and is always kept hot; the other side always faces away from the sun and always stays cold.

It is now known that the belief was erroneous.  The errant observation was due to the nature of Earth’s orbit and rotation as it synchronizes with Mercury’s orbit and rotation.  A layman’s explanation is that when Mercury was in its best position to be observed from Earth, the same side was always facing the sun.

I discovered this bit of information when I reconsidered my blog title recently.  At first, I was not upset at the error.  After all, no one corrected me on the inference I had made.  So I assumed that this must be a recent discovery.

Then I dug a little deeper and my heart sank.  This has been known about Mercury for 50 years!  I was in junior high in 1965.  Yes, I did well in math and science and hung out at times with the math/science “geek” crowd.  But my interests extended beyond that one group.  I was a well-rounded student who at one time or another hung out with the athletes (I lettered in four sports at my tiny private high school, Rockland Country Day School), I was one of a group of guys who would play bridge at a drop of a hat, I had one male classmate who got me interested in war gaming for a while (Avalon Hill games, for example) and a female classmate with whom I discussed classical music (she being far more knowledgeable than me).

While astronomy was never my science focus, I was interested in it.  And to top it off, I attended and graduated from Cornell, where I was an engineering student for two years.  By the time I arrived at Cornell in 1970, one of the best known astronomers and popularizers of science, Carl Sagan, was already there as a professor.  Becoming a full professor in 1971, he was already one of the more popular and visible professors on campus.  I even read (and I think I still have) one of his books, The Dragons of Eden.  But somehow, I never received the memo that Mercury was a little more complex than one side always facing the sun and the other always facing away.

But the title of my blog post still fits.  Not only is this still a commonly held view of the planet Mercury, it is a reminder that it can take a while for scientific knowledge to trickle down to the general public.  The average citizen is not going to be aware that the medical community (AMA and American Psychiatric Association) no longer classifies transsexuals as either suffering from mental illness or engaging in a form of homosexuality.  They are not going to be aware of recent studies that show that certain areas of the brains of MTF’s are closer to the normative female brain than male brain.  They are not going to be aware of the recent knowledge that male and female does not always fit into neat little physical boxes (see my links page for various conditions, such as XY people giving birth, Androgen Insensitivity Disorder, other sex chromosome abnormalities and XX people born with MRKH: the lack of or severely underdeveloped vagina, fallopian tubes and uterus).

I happen to meet some of my tax clients at the local public library.  I sometimes browse the used book sale to see if there is something interesting to read while I am waiting for a client.  Now and then, I buy the book I started reading.

Chris Bohjalian. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Usually it will take a while before I find something I like.  But last week, I zoomed in on a book.  It was “Trans-sister Radio” by Chris Bohjalian.  With a title like that, how could I pass it up?  And while Bohjalian is a thoroughly cisgender author with a number of successful novels, I was correct: the book had a thoroughly transgender theme.

Bohjalian researched the topic very well and the writing showed it.  But when I first picked up the book and read the liner notes, I thought he had erred.  A resident of Vermont, he did what good authors often do: he wrote about what he knows best, so he had most of the story take place in a small town in Vermont.  So it surprised me when the blurb on the back of the paperback edition stated that the main characters had to contend with the “outrage” of a “Vermont community”.  I know that Vermont is a very liberal state, having elected a self-described socialist, Bernie Sanders, to the US Congress ten times (eight times to Vermont’s only House seat and twice to the US Senate).  Vermont was also one of the first two states to approve Medicaid funding for surgery to treat gender identity disorder.

Then I saw that the copyright date was 2000.  Bohjalian had been researching this book at the turn of this century.  Now I knew he had not erred.

What is the point I am making?  Simply that transgender rights has not always been a liberal cause.  It has not always been a cause for the L, G and B members of that coalition.  There are still some radicals who have a problem with transgender rights.  And transgender allies who have worked with all four communities will tell you that even those supportive members of the first three do not understand those of us who are T.

My desire is to educate people and add transgender allies.  I don’t care what other labels they give themselves.  Older allies were new allies at one time.  Therefore at one time, they were not allies.  If they can convert, so can others.

When I came out to people, I lived by two slogans: “If I want to be understood, I need to be understanding;” “if it took me fifty years to figure this out, I can’t expect you to figure it out in fifty minutes.”  So my desire is to help people understand.  That requires a process.  And it requires understanding what part of their belief system prevents them from being an ally already.

In my previous blog post about handedness and reviewing the historic treatment of left-handed people, we saw that there are some cases where society is driven by a need for conformity.  In the related and intertwined topics of sexuality and gender, many people feel the need to see things as male or female with no gray areas.  Initially at least, it isn’t a matter of hatred.  It is a matter of wanting to keep life simple and manageable.  Who do I call “sir” and who do I call “ma’am”?  Which pronouns do I use for a person without having to ask everyone I meet?

At the beginning of this post, I discussed the time lag before which knowledge passes down from the expert level to the general population.  If there are people who are not aware of the nature of transgender as a birth condition instead of being a behavioral choice, is that the fault of the student or the educator?  Therefore, we need to continue to patiently educate.  Some people are resistant to change, some people are skeptical of new ideas and some people are slow learners.  These things take time and effort and persistence.

And then there is religious belief.  As a Christian, I respect those who follow deeply held beliefs consistent with their religion.  I also know that in every religion with which I am familiar, there are doctrines that are debated within the body of followers.  So there is room for discussion on a number of points outside of the principal doctrines.

I have witnessed hatred first-hand from people who have turned away from me or who have attacked others in the transgender community.  It could be because of ignorance, fear of a world that is moving beyond their comprehension (loss of conformity), religious fervor or any combination of them.  But I have had people disagree with me without showing hatred or disrespect.  Some remain in my life as good friends.  Therefore, I will not automatically ascribe to hatred those who hold a different opinion on transgender issues.

I endeavor for open, honest, respectful discussion and to build consensus as a result.  I do not want to be marginalized during that discussion.  And I will not marginalize any other parties of the discussion by name calling or making assumptions about them.  I will listen to the other person’s point of view and respond in a way that befits their beliefs.

Last year at the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), we memorialized between 300 and 400 people who we learned were killed because of their transgender identity or their alliance to transgender causes.  Since there are many countries that will not acknowledge the transgender identity of murder victims, it can be reasonably assumed that the number is significantly higher.  For the sake of this post, I will make a guess of 550 victims.

According to reliable statistics, 100,000 Christians are violently killed for their faith every year.  That would be roughly 550 victims every two days.  But it is also true that the Christian population of the world is much larger than the transgender population.  There is not a matter of competition.  I belong to both groups and I grieve those who lose their lives or are otherwise marginalized due to hatred against either group.  And I grieve the existence of any in one of the groups who hates those of the other group, whether or not directed at me.

Last week, my story (400 word limit) was published in the online NY Times editorial series “Transgender Lives: Your Stories” (http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/storywall/transgender-today/stories/lois-simmons). With the encouragement of two non-Christian members of the TG community, I focused on the acceptance I have received in my church from church leaders and others.  With the permission of denomination leadership, I included the fact that my church is part of the Salvation Army.

How did I achieve acceptance at such a church?  I did not compromise any of my beliefs regarding either group.  After meeting with three key people who provided reasons to believe that I would be accepted, I simply let people get to know me.  On a need to know basis, I came out to two people here and another person there. Based on people’s responses when  I came out to them, I have ~90% acceptance, one person who asked for time to process the information (granted!) and one person who appears to be negative.  I would have been thrilled with 50% acceptance!

As I put it to the college class to which I spoke last Wednesday evening, instead of coming in like a hammer, I was water.  It is consistent with the feminine strength of yin-yang (gleaned from my days of studying Oriental philosophy).  With nothing more than a desire to educate and bring the Christian and transgender communities together, I flowed where the terrain would allow me to go.  It has brought me to a larger body of water.  We shall see where it will flow next.

All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again. – Ecclesiastes 1:7

God bless,

Lois